For the Woman Who Feels Invisible on Mother’s Day

For the Women Who Didn’t Get the Carnation

Last week, a friend sent me a post that sparked a deep conversation, and I’ve been sitting with it ever since.

It was one of those bold, black-and-white takes about how Mother’s Day has “lost its meaning” because it’s being expanded to include women who don’t have children. The post insisted that pet moms, plant moms, and women who’ve lost children or never had the chance shouldn’t be acknowledged on Mother’s Day. Because apparently, inclusion waters it down.

Y’all. I’ve been in a better place with Mother’s Day in recent years. But reading that… I could feel a familiar ache in my chest. A reminder of the many years this day felt like a cruel spotlight on what never came to be.

And here’s the thing. Women who aren’t mothers? We know. We know we aren’t. We don’t need it shouted at us from a pulpit or plastered across a meme on Instagram.

What we do need?

Compassion.

Nuance.

A little awareness that life is wildly complex, and that not every woman who’s childless chose it.

Some of us faced health challenges. Some of us lived through toxic relationships, or poverty, or trauma, or medical diagnoses that made motherhood feel like a far-off dream. Some of us quietly grieved losses that were never publicly acknowledged, miscarriages, stillbirths, failed adoptions. And some of us simply ran out of time while we were healing or surviving.

And it doesn’t help when pastors, influencers, or well-meaning folks act like motherhood is the only sacred role worth honoring on a Sunday in May.

I’ve sat through church services where every mom got a flower, except me. Where everyone was asked to stand but I stayed seated, the only woman not acknowledged. I’ve had scripture flung at me like weapons, as if not having children meant I somehow missed God’s will.

Let me be clear: I believe motherhood is beautiful and powerful. I honor every mama out there: biological, adoptive, foster, spiritual. You are doing the real work.

But I also believe the Kingdom of God is big enough to celebrate mothers without excluding women who are walking different paths. Women who are mothering in other ways. Women who’ve nurtured businesses, ministries, friendships, nieces, nephews, and clients. Women who are healing their bodies, stewarding their faith, and showing up fully in the lives they were given.

The world is broken right now. The Church is full of wounded people, many of whom are hiding their heartbreak behind bright smiles and polite handshakes. What if, instead of drawing lines and correcting titles, we used days like Mother’s Day as opportunities to ask one simple question:

“Who can I love today?”

Who can I text?

Who might need to be reminded they matter?

Who has quietly felt like they didn’t belong?

One of my dearest friends did that for me this year. She sent me the sweetest message on Mother’s Day, and it meant everything. I thanked her again a week later because her kindness lingered. It reminded me that I am seen. That my life matters. That my womanhood isn’t defined by my womb.

We could all use more of that, couldn’t we?

So maybe instead of telling women what they’re not, we tell them who they are: valued. loved. seen. chosen. Enough.

And if you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like the odd one out in your church pew, your friend group, or your family gathering—this is me reaching out and handing you the flower I never got.

Because you belong.

Exactly as you are.

Amanda Surratt

Faith-Driven Chronic Illness Healer | Founder of Confidently Joyful

Helping you reclaim your peace, heal at the root, and live with radiant faith—even when the world doesn’t make space for your story.

Let’s make space together.

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